I want to go out and do things, and she doesn’t, so I feel guilty for leaving and doing things without her.ĭespite being in a long distance relationship for a few years now, the total amount of time we’ve actually spent together in person, getting to know one another adds up to mere weeks. I thought I didn’t mind her weight but it turns me off and I don’t really enjoy sex with her. I really dislike dealing with her when she’s drunk. Except when we meet in person, I find out I can’t. The smell of cigarettes gets in to everything and makes me nauseous. I like to go out with friends and play games, she’s more a quiet, stay-at-home type. She’s pretty overweight, but, hell, I could lose a few pounds too. There are some issues that come up that I’m sure I can handle. So, we chat for ages, find lots of similar interests, have all kinds of interesting conversations, things seem to be going great behind the sanitizing curtain of the internet. When I finally met someone (online) who seemed to really like and appreciate me, it completely blew my mind, and I felt on top of the world. Repeated rejection really wore down my sense of self-worth, and had me totally convinced that I was totally undateable. Like many nerdy people, my hobbies don’t bring me in to social circles which contain a lot of women, so, dating has always been an uphill battle. Feeling trapped probably means I should end it, but, I’m feeling pretty conflicted about a lot of things. Essentially, I feel trapped in a long distance relationship. I’ll try to keep this concise, but I doubt it will wind up that way. This letter from NerdLove reader All Mixed Up is a classic example of the knots people tie themselves into over ending a relationship: Here are some of the ways you make it so much harder to break up with someone… even when you know you need to. The good news is that once you recognize these stalling tactics for what they are, you can learn to overcome them. I stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship – knowing damn good and well that I needed to break up with my girlfriend – for years longer than I should have. Maybe you were the one who needed to break up with your partner. Let’s be honest: watching our friends’ relationship dramas is simultaneously frustrating and more compelling than some soap operas. Maybe you got tired of slamming your head into the brick wall of their obstinacy as you watched their drama and misery unfold in real time on Facebook, stunned that they didn’t realize how miserable they are. Maybe you’ve had a friend who knows he needed to dump their toxic girlfriend. Our brains are prone to a host of psychological effects and fallacies that convince us that we shouldn’t finally pull the trigger and end that toxic relationship, even though it’s making us miserable. And nine times out of ten, what they’re asking for is permission to break up with their significant other… because they can’t manage to convince themselves that they need to. One of the most perverse aspects of being human is how hard we fight against our own best interests. Occasionally, I’ll get an email from a reader who isn’t asking for advice so much as they are asking for permission.
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